I don't know exactly what I want to say today. I am looking for a few real humans. It seems like everyone I meet on the internet is a scammer. It's not actually everyone but the largest majority. Everyone has their faults. I am pretty shabby in my possessions and clothes and looks. Still in all, I do not have monogamous relationships with half a dozen people on the internet that I am grifting from. I am not looking for iTunes and Amazon cards. I am not trying to convert you to a religious doctrine, I have my beliefs and practices. At the core of my life is the practice of silent, sitting meditation. I do not have a career and a "good" job. I guess by today's standards I am kind of a moron.
I probably will not try to cheat you. I have my own problems and I feel that either I can solve them, or friends, relatives or professionals might be able to help. If I cannot fix it by legitimate means, I am just shit out of luck. Fortunately, maybe because I have had to face and figure out how to solve a lot of problems in my life, I am more than usually intelligent and able to do things, whatever it is that I need to do. I still have been scammed, even recently. I just am not waiting around for those empty promises of help with my life from external sources. There is an old idea that you sometimes have to take the bull by the horns, and wrestle with the problem by yourself to get anything done.
I am clinically diagnosed with schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a funny "disease" where one becomes aware of realities embedded in this life experience. It really throws people for a loop when you see something like a schizophrenic riding a radio dial and mixing tunes like a dj with a box of vinyls and computer bank of digitals. I have seen it done. Schizophrenia is an acute awareness of reality, but with the sacrifice of general knowledge of the common earth experience we share. I am trying to grope towards an accurate description of schizophrenia. Schizophrenia seems to be specialized knowledge of reality but a closing off of general knowledge of reality. Medication can help balance out an individual and bring them back into the consensus reality.
Mentally ill individuals are considered the lowest of the low in western society. I had met someone who was a career felon, at one point in my life who told me I was lucky that he would associate with me, because of my mental illness. I was kind of , "Well, ok. I am not really anxious to associate with you if I don't have to.", privately to myself, and we maintained a cordial but separate relationship. I am not really getting down on felons. I have known some but they are not pursuing a life of crime so there has to be some levels where they sre admitted back into society and allowed a legal living. The mentality ill are distrusted and shunned and factually the mentality ill can be disruptive, most especially if they are refusing treatment, but not likely to harm anyone. That's not totally true, but consider the common fact of gun violence in our society. Less than 5% is committed by the acknowledged mentality ill. Most acts of gun violence are committed by angry white males, and they are aberrant but they are accepted I do not know the statistics by percentages, caucasian, non caucasian, male, female, but that is my perception. Anyway, I know what is good for me and I take my medicine as instructed, daily. I live as honestly as my "normal" neighbor and no I'm not a scam.
